the white cat died

Dear Oggy, the white male cat that used to come to our house for food died in front of a neighbour's door, nearby the cat's food bowl the neighbour had put outside their house. God bless whoever the person is, amin.

Thus my heart sank deeper. Guilt came rushing like no end. And I hate everyone in this flat.

I used to feed this white cat since he was healthy. He also used to fight my cat. He is lovely, I believe he used to be someone's pet but somehow got lost or maybe was thrown out. He's a gentle soul, always lie down in front of our house enjoying the warmth.

But then neighbours kept shooing him away. They hated him because he sprayed at their places and also mine, but we didn't mind. I loved him and I used to make sure to feed him almost everyday.

And then neighbours complained and I had to stop feeding him and other cats too. So I guess I will carry this guilt for the rest of my life, thanks to my neighbours who are now my enemies. I hope they all burn in hell. All of them.

That is the end of the tale of the white male cat. I hope when you, Oggy, see him there, you can be friends and he can finally be happy. Please wait for me to join you, too. I cannot wait.

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story of death and heaven

Hello dear Oggy, today I miss you again. It's been one month since you left. How is it there? I hope you're having a great time with many friends and tunas. Death is not easy for the living. We stay with the memories, sometimes we feel guilty, sometimes we feel blessed, sometimes we feel sad. No music or books can replace the warmth from the ones we loved. But that is the circle of life. Nothing lasts forever in this world. To be honest, I am not that sad. Just melancholic. There is no use thinking about the past if it makes you feel bad or sad. We live for the present. We should look forward for the future. The love we had won't disappear, it will stay in your heart forever. If we are lucky, if we did good in this life, we get to enter heaven and meet our loved ones again. I always imagine myself living with all my cats on a vast land in heaven. Undisturbed and happy.

dumbfounded

Today I painted my right nails red after so many months. They looked so pretty as I type this post. It's not perfect, but I think it looked good on me. Went to clinic this late morning for Covid test and to meet a doctor. My eye isn't healing, so that's the reason I went there. I once saw this doctor during my first visit. So today, it's the second time. He consulted me about this matter, I may need to see specialist if it doesn't heal. I don't know why I want to talk about this doctor. He is cute. Maybe it's a little crush. After all, it's been a while since I had the same feeling. However, it turned me into a sack of sadness later today. Blasting love songs, crying for no reason, feeling angry at small things. a fucking weirdo. At the moment, I just feel numb and tired. Am I stuck in desperation? I would love to say no but I can't lie to myself. I've been desperate since school, uni until now. I keep my cool so I won't embarrassed myself....

11:11 pm

I haven't done much for my Japan trip. I should find some infos about transportation, places we want to go, etc. etc. Instead I procrastinate, hahahhaa. I can't wait for this trip to be over. I feel so tired saving so much money every month, it's getting into my nerves. I can't even buy a high cut sneaker that I adored so much T.T I am excited, don't get me wrong. My childhood dream is coming true. So some sacrifices are needed. But January is moving toooooo slow. Oh, and I gained weight back. Scheisse. I need to start dieting again. Another form of torture. Dear God, why my life isn't perfect like others? And why I don't become a singer like Lady Gaga? Ok dah mengarut. Sweet dreams.

katarasa

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