I can't even top up my phone prepaid. And I don't know if I could survive until next Friday with my money. That's how broke I am right now. I feel sad though. And mad, sometimes. I'm feeling so down and I can't seem to keep up on being positive in this whole situation. And no one can help me. I don't know what is going to happen next. I keep thinking what wrong I've done. I keep blaming myself. Japan seems so far away, yet I only have 12 days before departing. I am not excited for it. And that is sad. Because I've been dreaming my whole life to go there. And I end up being like this. And I have no one to listen to this. My mom doesn't even want to talk to me.