how do I treat myself

Dear Oggy, at the moment, I am thinking of pizza.

Learning German is difficult. Just watched Easy German's video on how German people treat themselves. Not sure why I want to learn German, but I just do.

Let's see. What do I do to treat myself?

I love watching movies in cinema. I love window shopping. I love browsing books in Kinokuniya. I love eating cakes and ice creams. I love doing yoga, though I do not spend much of my time doing it as much as I want to. I love browsing Internet, and I know I should spend less time with it.

I love playing my instruments too. But not so much anymore. I love snuggling with my cats, though they don't really enjoy it as much as Oggy.

I would love to go out and walk more, but the weather in Malaysia is just so hot. I should do it when the weather is cooler like after rain, or early in the morning. If I move to cooler countries I would walk a lot more, like I did in Japan, but I must wear good shoes.

I sometimes buy things I don't need, I also buy cute blouses, cheap makeups if I want to. It does make me a bit more excited, but that's just temporary.

My birthday is coming in a month, maybe I should buy something for myself. I don't get gifts anymore, just well wishes, but it's okay.

I just wish I knew what I should do to really make myself feel happy.

Comments

story of death and heaven

Hello dear Oggy, today I miss you again. It's been one month since you left. How is it there? I hope you're having a great time with many friends and tunas. Death is not easy for the living. We stay with the memories, sometimes we feel guilty, sometimes we feel blessed, sometimes we feel sad. No music or books can replace the warmth from the ones we loved. But that is the circle of life. Nothing lasts forever in this world. To be honest, I am not that sad. Just melancholic. There is no use thinking about the past if it makes you feel bad or sad. We live for the present. We should look forward for the future. The love we had won't disappear, it will stay in your heart forever. If we are lucky, if we did good in this life, we get to enter heaven and meet our loved ones again. I always imagine myself living with all my cats on a vast land in heaven. Undisturbed and happy.

dumbfounded

Today I painted my right nails red after so many months. They looked so pretty as I type this post. It's not perfect, but I think it looked good on me. Went to clinic this late morning for Covid test and to meet a doctor. My eye isn't healing, so that's the reason I went there. I once saw this doctor during my first visit. So today, it's the second time. He consulted me about this matter, I may need to see specialist if it doesn't heal. I don't know why I want to talk about this doctor. He is cute. Maybe it's a little crush. After all, it's been a while since I had the same feeling. However, it turned me into a sack of sadness later today. Blasting love songs, crying for no reason, feeling angry at small things. a fucking weirdo. At the moment, I just feel numb and tired. Am I stuck in desperation? I would love to say no but I can't lie to myself. I've been desperate since school, uni until now. I keep my cool so I won't embarrassed myself....

11:11 pm

I haven't done much for my Japan trip. I should find some infos about transportation, places we want to go, etc. etc. Instead I procrastinate, hahahhaa. I can't wait for this trip to be over. I feel so tired saving so much money every month, it's getting into my nerves. I can't even buy a high cut sneaker that I adored so much T.T I am excited, don't get me wrong. My childhood dream is coming true. So some sacrifices are needed. But January is moving toooooo slow. Oh, and I gained weight back. Scheisse. I need to start dieting again. Another form of torture. Dear God, why my life isn't perfect like others? And why I don't become a singer like Lady Gaga? Ok dah mengarut. Sweet dreams.

katarasa

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