katarasa

I not a person who can be friends with anyone. I usually choose my friends. I am friendly though, enough for simple chats with anyone. But I don't take anyone as friends whom I share my secrets with. So that easily means my friends are the chosen one, and they have special place in my heart. But the thing is, when I put them on pedestal, when I have high hopes and expectation from them, whenever I try to always be there for them, they seem to take it for... granted? I know most of my friends have many other friends. And plenty of them only call or message me when they have noone or nowhere else to go. Because I'm always available? Maybe that's the case. I don't say no to these kind of people. Now I am so frustrated. And I end up having no close friends. At all. I sound like a teenager now. But I understand, I am not easy to be friends with. I am a complicated jerk who always has time and has her own mind and does not mind watching movies alone. I hate sh...

I have no new year resolutions for 2019. I am not sure if that is relevant anymore. Even though this year I managed to buy a house and next year I'll go to Japan, (both are on my wishlist) it's just something I don't keep up with. Yes, I manage to lose my body weight and I think that's my biggest achievement this year, but to be honest I am getting tired of it. I don't keep up with my exercises, everyday food etc. But I want to try again. I am tempted to go to gym. But we'll see. All I know is, after I move to my house, I won't have much time to exercise. And I don't even wanna talk about violin, about music. Guess I'm letting it go. What else is there for me? I can't seem to think what I want to do next. I need help.

I think I should change this blog's address. And then, lock up twitter. Even though I am positive that nobody reads blogs nowadays. We are at the end of 2018. Apart from this, nothing much happened. But I guess it's okay.

Today was a busy day. We took off to TM to sign a lot of agreement for my own house. Yep, you read it right. MY house. Everything was smooth. I really didn't face any problem at all. But that's the thing; everything seems so easy. But I am grateful. To be honest I can't wait for the project to finish. They said it'll be ready by 2020. I love where I'm currently living now. I am sure I'll miss this place after we move. The place I chose was far from KL, farther from my workplace. But it's a peaceful place. And this place I'm currently living is surrounded by new apartments that we, rakyat Malaysia can't even afford to buy. smh. But this is life we're living now. I am worried about what's going to happen in the future, but I have to be optimistic. I have to, my life depends on myself.

I genuinely feel afraid. Just yesterday I wrote about motivation and fear and today I let myself fall into the pit of fear. Yes, currently I'm afraid I'll lose someone. I don't know if it's going to happen tomorrow or next week or next month. I. Am. Afraid. I can't stop feeling worried.

I never dream to live this long and become an adult. I thought my dad would live forever and I would always be a kid. It's kinda a naive thought. But wishes do not last. My appointment tomorrow is postponed because the developer's lawyer hasn't done preparing the documents. I am not kidding, I cannot wait to move to my own home. But it is going to be very tiring. Plus I need to count and balance my daily expenses, no more travelling until God knows when. But I have to be responsible. And I am glad I make my mom happy about it. Confession, she still has no idea my mortgage has passed. Haha. Next phase, I don't know what else.

I am so sleepy right now. I am just trying to see if blogger is better than wix. But I think blogger is better for writers like me. Though wix is cool too.