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until then

 


"I got nothing if I don't have you." -- Whitney Houston

I love to think that whenever I remember someone without any reason, it means he or she is remembering me, too. Especially with the person whom I have a stronger emotional connection than others. So far, there is no evidence, but if you think, how do you prove the existence of your emotions and intuition?

Tonight, I feel heavier. My mind goes toward this one special man whom I loved. I remember his face, his striking eyes that made my heart pounding like crazy. I loved his hair and his subtle cheeks hiding behind his serious expression. He is married and I moved on, but once in a while, he, or rather my memory of him just came into my mind.

I wonder if he had the same thing too.

I prayed for him in my sujood. I prayed for his happiness with his wife and family. I am content with myself and the memories of him. He made me feel so alive, so young, so excited, so sad, so angry, so numb, so nervous, so hurtful, so happy, even though it was just for a few years and I am thankful for that. I no longer question or blame myself for loving him. I am glad that I found him.

I never hope to meet him again, no matter how much I miss him.

Let's just meet in heaven. I shall invite you and your beautiful family to my garden and we shall be friends.

Until then, sayonara.

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