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finding lucky

 


I would like to think I am lucky. Who wants to think otherwise? No one. No one wants to think their life is boring and uneventful. No one wants to think they have no luck in this world. No one wants to think they have no love, no life. It's our nature to feeling or inclining towards happiness. No one wants to feel terrible every day.

So why or how we become miserable? Are we not grateful? What are the things that we missed? Is there anything that we did not see? Why are we so far from our natural state, why can't we find happiness and love? Why are we feeling sad, angry, confused, depressed?

I am not sure why I am thinking about this. It is easy to blame oneself for what you feel inside. The same goes with all those ustaz and ustazah. Not enough praying, because you don't get up early morning for tahajud, because you are far from God, because of this and that. Don't they know how hard it is for people like me to continue living every day? Do they think this is what we prefer, feeling sad and angry all the time?

No, I am not blaming them. I just want this to be over. I just want to know how to stop this feeling. I am a lot luckier than I deserve and I am grateful for that.

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