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control error

 


The deeper problem that I am having now is control. Right now, I cannot control and solve the problems of my customers. Everything is managed by HQ team. Super slow and irritating. I feel like I have no control. I can't sleep because I cannot solve the problems the customers are having. I dream about this fucking problem. I wake up and think about this shit.

This is why I want to quit. My current work is eating me up. But how can I quit? I cannot deal with this anymore.

I miss playing music in a band, orchestra. That's what I wanted to be. Serious musician. Maybe playing in an amateur band, that would be enough for me. I am too old to take ABRSM, to study classical music, to go to university. There is a 5 year old somewhere that can even play Paganini, meanwhile my second position sucks.

I was not born with choices and privileges. Used to be poor and had to ask my mom for some money to buy my cats' food. Now I have house loan. How am I going to finish paying the loan?

I need serious help. But didn't get any.

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