I'll never find love?

Reading about love on reddit is heartbreaking. Some are encouraging, some are just sarcastic, most are pessimistic about finding love, just like me.

I'm in my 30s and I feel terrible. I love being single, but when I found someone I liked, I wanted to be with him. I made up stories of our relationship in my head because truthfully, that's the only way I could do to suppress my feelings. Also, my life isn't like those stories in novels or chicken soup for the soul's books where miracles happened as you flipped on to the next page.

I have accepted my fate, even though at times, I feel bitter about it. I would start to think what's wrong with me, I started comparing myself with others. Like I said, I never asked to be like this. None of us has.

Then I feel angry, and then sadness, and then numb. Then maybe I start to feel good again.

I am not perfect, but no one is perfect. I just want some piece of love, real love. Maybe just temporary, one or two days. That would be enough for me. Maybe I'd die a virgin, too. But I crave that tiny piece of love that everyone else has.

Dear God, please hear me out here. After all, You know what is the best for me. And if this is the best for me, show me. Wipe my tears and fill my heart with content and not lust.

I hope You answer my prayers.

Comments

story of death and heaven

Hello dear Oggy, today I miss you again. It's been one month since you left. How is it there? I hope you're having a great time with many friends and tunas. Death is not easy for the living. We stay with the memories, sometimes we feel guilty, sometimes we feel blessed, sometimes we feel sad. No music or books can replace the warmth from the ones we loved. But that is the circle of life. Nothing lasts forever in this world. To be honest, I am not that sad. Just melancholic. There is no use thinking about the past if it makes you feel bad or sad. We live for the present. We should look forward for the future. The love we had won't disappear, it will stay in your heart forever. If we are lucky, if we did good in this life, we get to enter heaven and meet our loved ones again. I always imagine myself living with all my cats on a vast land in heaven. Undisturbed and happy.

dumbfounded

Today I painted my right nails red after so many months. They looked so pretty as I type this post. It's not perfect, but I think it looked good on me. Went to clinic this late morning for Covid test and to meet a doctor. My eye isn't healing, so that's the reason I went there. I once saw this doctor during my first visit. So today, it's the second time. He consulted me about this matter, I may need to see specialist if it doesn't heal. I don't know why I want to talk about this doctor. He is cute. Maybe it's a little crush. After all, it's been a while since I had the same feeling. However, it turned me into a sack of sadness later today. Blasting love songs, crying for no reason, feeling angry at small things. a fucking weirdo. At the moment, I just feel numb and tired. Am I stuck in desperation? I would love to say no but I can't lie to myself. I've been desperate since school, uni until now. I keep my cool so I won't embarrassed myself....

11:11 pm

I haven't done much for my Japan trip. I should find some infos about transportation, places we want to go, etc. etc. Instead I procrastinate, hahahhaa. I can't wait for this trip to be over. I feel so tired saving so much money every month, it's getting into my nerves. I can't even buy a high cut sneaker that I adored so much T.T I am excited, don't get me wrong. My childhood dream is coming true. So some sacrifices are needed. But January is moving toooooo slow. Oh, and I gained weight back. Scheisse. I need to start dieting again. Another form of torture. Dear God, why my life isn't perfect like others? And why I don't become a singer like Lady Gaga? Ok dah mengarut. Sweet dreams.

katarasa

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