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the epiphany


Not me.


 Oh my, I did not write here for many days.

Yesterday was Aidiladha. It was suck as always. I actively avoided social media so I didn't feel bad for myself. Not sure why I felt bad, maybe I'd had enough with all this MCOs.

I read about backpacking in Turkey, day dreaming about my prince charming and watched Free Solo on Disney Plus. I loved that documentary, made my heart skipped a beat. So, not bad for a sucky day.

Also, there was no firecrackers, thank God.

This morning I had an epiphany as I cleaned my room. I took out my violin; I was thinking about practicing again because I am having 1 week leave.

Then I thought, why I took violin to play? It's not the easiest instrument and I don't have any teacher to teach me much more. I can play, but then I always stop practicing, then I went back to square one. Like a cycle. It's been more than 10 years since I bought my violin (since 2008).

Then I thought why do I always choose a hard subject to learn? I learnt German, Japanese, but I did not continue to a higher level. I went on to become a journalist, one of the toughest job in the world. I hated it, but I learned a lot too. Now I work in customer service which is emotionally draining and I am taking an online course. Yes, I am a busy lady.

Am I sabotaging myself? Or, do I want to prove that I can surprise myself and do anything if I put my mind into it? To be honest, I am not sure why.

But this is why I should be proud of myself. I do things that many people don't do or things that people don't choose to do because there are many easier things to do.

I will go back and forth on whatever I do, but maybe these small steps will bring me to unknown places that I never imagine. I hope so.

If anyone stumble across this, believe in yourself and think about how far you've come. And be proud.

So what's next? Turkey solo travelling 2022, new job, financial freedom? We can always pray.

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